


Deep inside my heart

by Aqua111



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog (Archie Comic)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Self-Harm, Were-Creatures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 13:34:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19230151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aqua111/pseuds/Aqua111
Summary: Spectre mourns the death of his wife.





	Deep inside my heart

**Author's Note:**

> A story that came to my mind while listening in loops to Warlock/Doro Pesch - Für immer (deep inside my heart).
> 
> The song is actually a ballad of love/friendship, mixed with a declaration of war against anyone who harms her loved ones - but after so many people in the comment section wrote about this song playing at funerals I also couldn't help anymore but seeing it as a song to say goodbye.

Spectre held Kali's cold hand in his, gently stroking it with his thumbs. His eyes never wanted to leave her face. The beeping of machines and her laboured breathing were the only audible things - or at least the only things he didn't want to block out. Screw car noises outside, screw footsteps in front of the door, screw everything. For sixty years they had spent their lives together but while one's life cycle now was slowly coming to an end the other had barely lived a third of his possible life span yet, maybe even less. The blessing of the Guardians she had called it. He considered it a curse because everyone he ever held dear, except someone of his Guardian lineage, he would witness ageing and dying.

To her other side their son and grandson sat. Thunderhawk was holding her other hand. Sometimes he had tried to catch Spectre's gaze but the dark Echidna didn't want to return it, not as long as he still felt so vulnerable. Sojourner was a tearing up mess. These two might have found comfort being with each other side by side during their grief but Spectre had decided to sit alone. With his incapability to deal with emotions he probably would have just lashed out at anyone.

The moment Kali died something inside of him must have shut off. Somehow his body must have functioned. There must have been hospital personnel involved. Somehow by the end of it he must have convinced Sojourner and Thunderhawk that he wanted to be alone. Somehow he must have made it home. But his mind just blocked his memories. Only when he returned to their ... his home some time in the night realisation hit him like a stab to the stomach. Everything in here reminded him of her. As if she still had the chance to recover and would leave the hospital and return home soon. He covered his face in his hands, slowly sank against a wall and then down to the ground. Lying curled up like a fetus his sobs soon turned into a scream of pain and rage. His distress also triggered something else. Full moon wasn't so far away anymore so an early transformation caused by stress was nothing out of the ordinary. But this time he almost welcomed it like an old friend. Physical pain was nothing compared to the emotional pain he felt right now. He wished for the veil of oblivion and non-thought, he wished for a pain that made him feel as if he was still alive.

His nails dug into the ground when he felt his bones grow and muscles rip. Shockwaves of Chaos energy destroyed hardwood furniture around him but he didn't give a fuck about holding them back. The anticipated veil of oblivion turned into a red veil of fury. He stood up, ignoring the lingering pain in his limbs and blinked the annoying tears from his eyes. Everything in here just enraged him. With a roar he wiped items off shelves that had survived the Chaos outbursts. He dug his claws into soft furniture and ripped them apart. He lifted sturdier items and smashed them against the walls. If he had neighbours they already would have called the police. Black dots started dancing in his vision after a while. The rampage had completely exhausted him. But he didn't want to end it yet. He felt like he needed blood. And there only was one source around right now.

Spectre awoke in a puddle of water and his own blood. His nose stung from dust and the coppery stench. Somewhere water sprayed. He must have damaged some pipes. His eyes slowly wandered over the wounds on his sides and arms. There were claw marks deep enough to hurt like hell and draw blood but he probably had blacked out from exhaustion before he could cause any real damage. For a moment he felt strangely calm. Not the relaxing kind but a dull numbness in his body and mind.  
Why couldn't he have just bled out on the floor? Why did he have to return to this world? A world of so much loss. He had lost his mother, his father was dead to him, no one was able to fill the huge gap Steppenwolf had left, even months after his death, he had failed to keep his promise of saving Rembrandt and now Kali was gone as well...

Tears slowly filled his eyes when the numbness lifted from his mind and body, silently rolled down his cheeks. But the returning pain was less strong now, less destructive. Whatever had snapped inside of him the day before was now slowly clicking back into place. Something that had driven him on throughout most of his life - a feeling close to constant anger but not quite, maybe more akin to angry determination. Or an almost uncanny ability to snap back to functionality.

His body was still shaking with silent sobs but he felt more stable now than he had in the past couple of hours. His grief would last for a long time, maybe for years, but he couldn't allow it to consume him. His family, they still needed him. For Kali's sake, he had to live.

And... Someone had walked past his window, he only saw movement from the corner of his eyes but he was sure the passing figure had the size of a Fire Ant.

And there always was someone to catch him if he was at risk to fall.


End file.
